Expectations

I have been thinking a lot lately about the different expectations in life.  I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to meet the expectations I think everyone else has of me.  I realized I just have to be me and people can take me or leave me.  I have to meet my expectations of me and love who I am. I have to meet the expectations I have of the me inside of me.  The "me" I have always wanted to be but was afraid for fear of rejection.  It has been such a burden lifted off of me. 

The thought came a few days ago.....I was at my niece's wedding, and she made a statement to her new father-in-law something to the effect that he would be her only daddy, so please be good to her.  I chimed in and said to take it from someone who didn't have a daddy that her expectations are high.  Well, I had fought with the thought of expectations after I got married.  I had expectations of my husband that he couldn't meet.  Coming from a home where my father passed away at the age of 5 and not really seeing men except for those few moments at church and the ones on TV, I had expectations built from what I had seen.  When I finally realized my husband would never meet those expectations, I had to release him from those.  Well, I don't know why it didn't stick then, but Praise God, it has now.  I have been holding myself to everyone else's "so called" expectations, but even bigger!  I have to release others my expectations of them and love them for who they are and not what I expect them to be. 

Now, I totally understand that bosses have expectations of their employees and children are expected to have good behaviors.  I know I'm expected to be a mom to my children, but that's not exactly what I mean.  Even with bosses and their employees, an employee is only going to be what they are.  They can perform the tasks you ask of them, but unless you truly let your expectations be known, they're never going to meet them.  But, do you expect more out of your employee than what they are?  Should you?  Well, with my children, I ask for respect and for honesty.  Those are things that can't waiver, but if my son doesn't make the grade I expect of him, am I going to punish him if I didn't give him any help?  Am I going to hold my expectations of what I want his life to be higher than what he wants his life to be?  Yes, I do expect honesty and respect, but what if he doesn't turn out exactly the way I expect him to be.  Is that his fault or mine?  It's mine!  It's mine because maybe the expectations I had of him are not what he had of himself. 

Now, God expects something from us, but He said he wouldn't without help from Him.  He said everything we ever face, He would be with us.  Some people may say they can't be a Christian, because they can't be good or they will never be good enough.  I don't think God ask us to be good.  He asked us to receive the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.  Romans 10:9-10 says, "if thou shall confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shall be saved for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."   I know He asked us to love Him first and then to love our neighbor as ourselves.  He expects us to accept the forgiveness of our sins through the precious blood of Jesus Christ.  But, see, it doesn't end there.  He said he would give us an expected end.  He has something already in mind for us, and it is a promise.  Now, can we, as fallen, sinful people, have expectations of anything in our lives, of anyone in our lives, apart from Jesus Christ?  I don't think so.  He is the one who gives life and gives life.  The first life is physical life, and the second is spiritual life.  The rest of it depends on us and what we do.  We have to seek Him to find him.  We have to forgive to be forgiven.  We can't judge lest me be judged.  If we expect anything from a sinful world, we are fooling ourselves.  We have to seek Him.  When we are seeking Him and His righteousness, Matthew 6:33 said that all of these things shall be added unto you.  We can be holy and live holy if we seek Him.  That doesn't mean we are going to be perfect, but we are forgiven if the blood of Jesus is applied to our lives, and we keep our hearts clean before Him.  I will never meet the expectations of God on my own.  I have to have the blood of Jesus Christ applied to my heart to be found worthy.  But, the expected end is Heaven. 

Now, the expectations we have of other people to be something to us is foolish.  We have to accept them as they are, warts and all.  If they can't meet our expectations, do we throw them to the side?  I don't think so.  I think we need to meet them right where they are.  We love them for who they are.  Because, Jesus meet us right where we were.  He didn't ask us to be perfect.  He didn't ask us to do this list of things that I expect of you and then I might love you.  No, He loved us anyway!  So, we have to love everyone anyway!  Does that mean we have to love their sin?  No.  But, we can love them.  We can love them right where they are.

So, as my good friend told me the other day, we can't expect people to be Jesus and act like Jesus.  No, they will never be that.  But, I can love them for who they are.  I don't have to like what they do or accept their ways of life, but I have to love them.

End of 2011 - Beginning of 2012

Well, the summer ended, school started back, and life somewhat went back to normal for us.  Retha was still fighting brain cancer, but lost that battle on November 26th.  She went to be with the Lord.  The service for her was beautiful!  Great message to all of those who were lost and a wonderful home going for her.  Family is a good thing to have when you need them most.

We spent Christmas with family in Tennesse.  It was great to spend time with them!  We miss them when they are not there.  Rayvn and the boys got iPods for Christmas, and Jaylen was just as cute as ever.  We have a new person in our family, Micheal.  He is Sara's boyfriend/fiance!  I'm excited about a wonderful new life for them.

January brought some different news.  Jaxon was tested at school and was found to have hearing loss.  I took him to the Pediatrician and then to the ENT.  They decided to send him to Pee Dee Speech and Hearing to be fitted for hearing aids, but I decided to take him to MUSC first.  So, we saw the Dr. last Wednesday and had yet another hearing screen (number 6), and the results still show hearing loss.  The doctor is calling it Conductive Hearing Loss.  He will be going on Friday back to MUSC to have a CT of his temporal area to see what is going on inside of his ears.  Then we will see the Dr.'s partner on April 3rd to discuss the options for treatment - surgery or hearing aids.

On February 23, I flew to Tennessee to be a part of a wonderful ceremony to unity Micheal and Sara.  I enjoyed being a part of their day and their lives for the weekend.  I wished I was closer to be able to see them more.  I really enjoy Sara and her wonderful smile, little Jaylen is a mess, and I have yet to figure out Micheal, but that will come in time.

I was able to spend a few moments with my sister, Connie.  It was nice to talk to her and spend time with her.  When I was little, I loved being with her.  I miss that relationship we had.  I hope to be able to make it grow and mature now that I'm older.