My Daddy

Over the last year, God has allowed some things in my life to come to light. Some hidden things were way down deep came to the surface. I have realized so much about myself. But, God has been working through all of it.

One thing I have always thought about was what it was like to have a Father. My father passed away when I was only 5 years old. Now that I have a child who has been that age, I realize how much I missed him. I realized how much I longed for the relationship that I missed. I think about the times I would have wanted to spend with him. I try to remember times that I did spend with him. I recently wrote down a little song, well, almost a poem, of what I remember. I thought about the things he missed and how my heart grieves for those lost moments. I wondered what it would have been to have him talk to me, to teach me new things, to correct me, to be my friend. Oh, how I missed that. Only until today did I realize I didn't miss out on a thing.

You may ask, "How can you say such a thing?" "Didn't you love your father?" Oh, I do more than you will ever know. But, God has been my father all along. He has corrected me, protected me, gave me guidance, been my provider, my counsel, and my friend. I have worked beside Him, prayed to Him, and cried with Him. He has taught me. When I fall, He picks me up. He doesn't judge me, but loves me through all of my mistakes. He shows me the ways to walk and where not to go. He tells me when I'm not walking with Him.

During all of these things, I realized something else. I didn't have my earthly father here on the day I was married. But, there is coming a day! I am a bride in the body of Christ. One day, God is going to escort me to a wonderful city that has been prepared for me - as Hebrew 11 says, "my homeland. I haven't missed out on anything. He has been my Abba Father all along. I just didn't realize it until today!

Scars

Well, I have not been very successful at posting my diet on here, but I am still growing….not in weight, but in knowledge. I have been doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore which includes study on the fruits of the Spirit. I have had many realizations about my behaviors and my beliefs about different things. I have realized that I have had so much jealousy and envy toward people. Before, I didn't really think I had an issue with these matters, but God has revealed to me so much.

Another thing happened a few weeks ago now – I cut my finger. The story goes like this. I was helping a friend cut some signs out. I was using a straight-edge and a box cutter. I was cutting along the straight-edge when the knife slipped up and over the metal edge right across my right index finger. Seven stitches later and, finally, two weeks later, I have a scar – a three inch, 14-hole scar stretching down the top of my index finger. Well, about a week ago, I was talking to my son. I was talking to him about my finger. I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking my hand would be forever defective. Something like it once was, but it will never be the same. Well, I started telling him that I would have this scar for the rest of my life.

Well, a few minutes later, God brought something to my mind. How many of us walk around with scars from our past? These big, uneven scars that plague our bodies are reminders of our past. Have some of them faded? Are some of them still fresh? Did we even forget about others? Well, I have a few bodily scars, but I have to say I have far too many inner scars to count. Some are still fresh. Some have faded. Others I had even forgot about. Yes, we all walk around with scars. Scars of lost loves, of broken friendships, and maybe, of hurt feelings are still around. As Beth Moore said in her study, are some of those scars or wounds that have never healed? As I looked at those things in my life that have maybe been hidden for a while – the jealousy and the envy – are they open wounds or are they scars? I believe they were wounds that need to be healed. They are mending, and I do have scars, but God has opened my eyes to see that we can all learn lessons from our scars. Yes, we can prevent some of the scars in our lives, but some we will live with for the rest of our lives. We will learn from the scars. We will allow God to take the hurts, pains, and disappointments. Will we allow Him to mend them with His Love and show us how to care for it? How to help it heal? Yes, it does take time for them to heal, but they will!

I'm not sure if my son understood what I was saying when I told him about this, but, one day, he will have a number of wounds and then scars. He will learn lessons that I will never be able to teach him. Yes, we regret having done the mistakes to make the scars. But, it is a reminder of where God has brought us and where He is taking us. But, by His Strips, we are healed!